Zombies

So, today’s topic is zombies. How fitting and practical, because the zombie apocalypse is coming. That is why I, Dean Marshal, have packed a crow bar into my first aid pack. I suggest you all do the same. So, without further ado…

Battlestar_439 asks: If zombies are undead, can you actually kill them? Haven’t they already died?

Dean: That’s a good question, Battlestar_439. And I suppose you can’t technically kill something that’s actually previously died, but I’m sure that if you knock its head clean off its shoulders you’ll certainly slow it down.

ethompson asks: How do people become zombies?

Emma: There are three ways to come back from the dead.
1. A zombie virus, which is spread through bodily fluids, infects the world. This is probably how the world will be infested with flesh eating monsters.
2. Some sort of magician, occult worker, or your superstitious aunt that no one invites to family get-togethers anymore raises people from the dead with a Ouija board. Sometimes it doesn’t work properly and the person you’re trying to resurrect starts thirsting for human blood. Then it’s time to give up the board.
3. If watching hours of James Bond movies has taught me anything, it’s that having a Chinese woman cook you duck is another way to come back from the dead (You Only Live Twice. Check it out).

surfer_dude_3000 asks: What if like your mom gets turned into a zombie and she tries to kill you? Are you supposed to like kill her or something?

Dean: When the zombie apocalypse hits, you have to stop thinking of your loved ones as, well, loved ones. You think your great aunt Ruth smelled like fermenting cabbage while she was still alive? Just wait until she’s undead. The fact of the matter is that zombies only want one thing and that is to eat your brain. I don’t care if it’s your mom and she spent twenty-seven hours in labour with you. Now she’s a zombie and now she’s trying to eat you. So take that meat tenderizer and hit her over the head with it!

fluffykittensrule asks: Can animals get turned into zombies?

Emma: I certainly hope not for your sake as you seem like something of an animal lover. And if animals can become zombies, I don’t want to be near the zoo when the apocalypse hits earth.

Chuck_Norris asks: Where’s the best place to be during the zombie apocalypse?

Dean: A great question, but first, let me say how honoured we are to have Chuck Norris take an interest in our website. But on to serious matters. In the event of a zombie apocalypse, closed spaces are never a good idea. Try to find a relatively large open space in which you know all the escape routes. And try to keep a weapon handy at all times, because, if the zombies sneak up on you, you don’t want to be unarmed. Also, Emma says “not near a zoo”.

Jonasfan_14 asks: If zombies attack the world, who would you save?

Emma: Well, I’m sure Dean would hope that I’d save him, because, let’s be honest, he runs like a girl. I’ll consider it. I’d for sure save James Franco, though, because, once the apocalypse has hit and we’re the only humans remaining, someone’s going to need to repopulate the earth. I am willing to take on that responsibility. What can I say? I’m selfless.


Got questions for us? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. Next week’s topic is hair extensions.