Beanie Babies

I regret leaving. I think Britt may have seriously offended some of our readers. And I was actually buying cheap fertilizer with my mom. She can’t lift her arms above her head (it’s a real health problem), so lifting bags of fertilizer was a bit of a problem for her. You know how it is. Or you likely don’t, because your mothers can probably lift their arms above their heads. But I digress, on to beanie babies!

redwarrior asks: Seriously, where do you losers come up with these topics? Do you actually think people care about this crap?

Dean: I swear, as soon as we get at least one more person writing in each week, we’re going to stop posting your e-mails. Why are you so mean? Nice to see you’ve laid off on all the capitalization, though. One step at a time.

fluffykittenluv asks: What was your favourite beanie baby?

Emma: I used to have a duck beanie baby. It was one of the medium sized ones that cost a ridiculous amount of money for a bag of beans shaped as an animal. But then some kid my mom was babysitting sucked on one of its wings. I didn’t really like it so much after that.

penny_is_2_kool writes: I was at the mall the other day and one of the store had beanie babies for sale. Those things are only like $7.95 now. They used to be so expensive in the nineties.

Dean: They used to have those special edition ones that were even more expensive than the regular ones. I think they tried to tell us that they would be super exclusive collector’s items later in life. I think they might have been wrong.

redwarrior writes: I’m not going to stop writing to you until this website has been deleted.

Emma: I’m shaking in my booties.

hollyB asks: Does anybody remember when they came out with those beanie kid things? And then they had those beanie boppers or whatever.

Dean: Yup, I remember those. They were all sexually and racially ambiguous. And they all had weird names. Please, folks, don’t ever name your child “Shamrock” or “Calypso”. They will either be beaten up in the playground or become exotic dancers later in life. Probably both. Let’s be honest.

redwarrior writes: Why don’t you make your topics interesting? Talk about things that ACTUALLY MATTER.

Emma: Why don’t you dunk your head in a vat of electric eels? Go harass someone who cares.

rock_my_socks asks: What’s a beanie baby?

Dean: You’re kidding right? You were clearly born after the nineties. Anyway, a beanie baby is essentially a stuffed animal with beans in its bum. They were all the rage in the nineties and early two thousands. I cannot believe you actually just asked that question. I can’t believe I just explained to someone what a beanie baby was. What did you think it was? A baby that was literally just beans?

stacey’s_mom writes: Beanie babies are soooo cute! I love them! I have a collection in my bedroom.

I’m not even going to let Emma respond to that one. Nothing good could possibly come of it.

Questions? Please help us get rid of redwarrior. E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. Next week’s topic is vampires.