Sprinklers

Alright, today’s topic is sprinklers. But let’s address more serious matters. Two weeks ago, Dean said he would never let me introduce the topic again. To quote him directly, he said “I’m never letting Emma introduce the topic again”. Well, here I am, introducing the topic. Who wins? I win. Oh, and Dean is out of town today (probably moping about being called unattractive), so my little sister Britt is filling in for him. Not Brittany, Britt. She’s very particular.

Greenjohn asks: What do you think about water bans in the summer? There is a gross over-usage of water for residential areas, especially considering the majority of the world’s population can’t get enough to meet their basic needs.

Emma: Whoa, whoa, whoa…what kind of website do you think this is? Go write to Greenpeace or PETA or whoever deals with this kind of issue.

dances_with_wolves writes: I used to run through sprinklers with my older siblings in our backyard when I was younger. Did anybody else do that?

Britt: Yeah, we totally used to do that, until our pervy neighbour began spying on us through the hedges and our mom made us come inside. We never ran through a sprinkler again. Some people ruin everything.

lil_lady asks: Do people even use sprinklers anymore? Aren’t they like built into the ground?

Emma: Umm…no, not all are built into the ground. And yes, people still use them. How else could we over-use water in residential areas? Common garden hoses? No way.

pinkybean writes: Remember that old dance move from the seventies that was called “the sprinkler”? It always gave me whiplash.

Britt: No, I do not remember that. I’m thirteen. I was born in 1997, which was way after the seventies. Good for you for living this long, though. And about the whole whiplash thing…well, maybe there’s something wrong with your neck.

J_LEE asks: Didn’t they have special attachments for sprinklers that were made specifically for kids? I seem to recall having a couple of those in the early nineties.

Emma: Wow, there is a lot of reminiscing in this week’s post. And yes, I believe they did have those. As my sister already mentioned, we used to have a lot of fun with those until our pervert neighbour turned all creepy and ruined the fun.

redwarrior writes: This is a STUPID topic. You are so LAME.

Britt: I think we could all learn a thing or two from redwarrior. From now on, I’m going to capitalize all of my adjectives, just to make an emphasized grammar point. Dude, why are you so TOUCHY? Maybe you should do something BETTER with your time? Have you always been this ANNOYING? Get a life, maybe even an INTERESTING one.

Dina_Leana asks: What is the purpose of this?

Emma: Dina, your question was very vague. I’m sure you actually meant, “what is the purpose of this website?” or “what is the point of even discussing sprinklers?”, but I think I’ll take it to mean, “what is the purpose of a sprinkler?”. So, to answer your question, sprinklers have many purposes (much like silly string).
1. Sprinklers evenly distribute water to foliage such as grass, shrubbery, and flowers.
2. Sprinklers also provide entertainment for children in the summer. Until, of course, your pervert neighbours start creeping on you.
3. Sprinklers spawned a “hip” and “happening” dance craze in the late seventies. Not surprisingly, it was called “the sprinkler”. Amazing and unexpected, I know.
4. Sprinklers can also be used to prevent your crabby neighbour’s cat from killing the baby birds that live above your deck. Just one quick blast will pretty much deter the cat forever. They learn quickly.

redwarrior asks: What happened to Dean? I intimidated him and he punked out.

Britt: What an INTRIGUING thought, redwarrior. You are, however, MISTAKEN. Dean is out of town because my OLDER sister said that he wasn’t HOT. Well, that’s what she said. I think he’s actually helping his mom buy CHEAP fertilizer, but, let’s be honest, that’s BORING.

Alright, I think it’s time to call it a week, before redwarrior gets too ANGRY at my LITTLE sister.

Got anymore grammar tips you’d like to share? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. Next week’s topic is beanie babies.