So now it’s time to discuss Heidi Montag. Emma is visiting her aunt Sylvia in Perry Sound. The woman has a mustache and glasses as thick as Coke bottles. So, good luck to Emma with all of that. Here to help me answer all of your really important questions on Heidi Montag, is my cousin Mike yet again. This should be good.
Suggested music: Barbie Girl – Aqua
Nina_B writes: With her name you'd think that she's a cute little German girl with lederhosen and a beer stein that holds a litre of Heineken... instead, doesn't she look like a stepford wife?? Anybody else?? I find her limited range of facial motion alarming.
Dean: You know, Nina, I have noticed that she has an alarming lack of facial movement. And wasn’t Nicole Kidman in The Stepford Wives? Because she also has very little facial movement.
Heidi_and_Spencer_4eva writes: I really like Heidi Montag. She only got plastic surgery because people like you do things like this.
Mike: You may have a point. But on the other hand, I really don’t care so I’m going to keep doing this anyway.
LC_beats_Kristen asks: What did Heidi even have done to her body? I mean, besides the gigantic boob job. That one’s pretty obvious.
Dean: Well, let’s see. The Internet is telling me she had ten procedures. They are as follows:
1. Breast augmentation
2. Botox
3. Mini brow lift
4. Nose job revision
5. Chin reduction
6. Liposuction on her waist and thighs
7. Fat injections in her cheeks and lips (that’s disgusting)
8. Ears pinned back (how is that necessary?)
9. Neck liposuction (no, I’m sorry, how is this necessary?)
10. Buttocks augmentation (that’s just funny)
Elli_jelly_belly asks: What is up with her husband? He’s crazy!
Mike: I think he might have anger management problems. On the other hand, she married him, so who is crazier? The crazy one or the crazy one that marries the crazy one? And yes, I just stole that line from Star Wars. Don’t judge me. It’s better than the crap we’re talking about right now.
So, what can we learn from this, folks? Heidi Montag has had surgeries done to her body that I didn’t even know existed? I mean, how do you even find out that you want to have neck liposuction?
Got questions? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. The next topic is going to be the A-Team.
