Nose Whistles

I’m never letting Emma introduce the topic again. What is “boyness” anyway? Isn’t that what you want in a boy? For him to be like a boy? It’s all very ridiculous and I’m a little bitter, needless to say. Anyway, I guess I’ll move on instead of letting it fester inside me…on to nose whistles!

redwarrior writes: Nose whistles are only for old people.

Dean: Well, you may think so, friend, but lots of young people get nose whistles too. I, personally, have something of a paranoia about nose whistles.

LucyB asks: How can you get rid of a nose whistle?

Emma: There are four ways to get rid of a nose whistle.
1. Plug your nose for a couple of minutes and hope that you’ll either stick or unstick whatever is making the whistle noise.
2. Inhale really deeply. Try not to burst any blood vessels, though. Breathing, it’s a challenging thing.
3. Get one of those nose spray things and try to “clean out the works”, so to speak. I suppose Q-tips would also work, but I have this thing about Q-tips. Things that go in my ear should just not be used for other things. It’s a quirk.
4. If all else fails, breath through your mouth. However, don’t become a mouth breather. Mouth breathing is more annoying than nose whistles.

redwarrior writes: If you get nose whistles, then you’re a dweeb.

Dean: I’d have to disagree with that. If you get chronic nose whistles, you most likely have some sort of sinus problem.

caramel_monkey asks: What kind of topic is ‘nose whistles’? Your website sucks.

Emma: What kind of username is ‘caramel_monkey’? You’ve successfully combined two good things into one horrible entity. Caramel? Good. Monkeys? Cool. Caramel covered monkeys? Not so much. It would get all hairy and sticky and such. You suck.

redwarrior writes: Dean is a BIG DORKY DWEEB!

Dean: Epic fail on the alliteration front, man. You were close with “dorky dweeb”, but “big” killed it. You should’ve used a different adjective.

lil_princess asks: What’s a nose whistle?

Emma: A nose whistle is a whistle noise that comes from one’s nose, usually the elderly. In church. You know what I’m talking about. It’s really irritating and hard to get rid of. It does, however, possess a certain comedic value in the sense that the person with the nose whistle often doesn’t realize that they even have one. And then everybody else has a good laugh at their expense.

redwarrior writes: I will give Dean a permanent nose whistle. You better watch your back, punk.

Dean: Thanks for the warning, Clint, but if the worst you can do is a permanent nose whistle, I’m sure I’ll be fine. Not exactly top notch torture material, is it? You don’t hear of a lot of P.O.W. camps employing that certain tactic.

Got questions? Complaints? Insults? We’ll take it all! E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. Next week’s topic is silly string.