Lady Gaga

Alright, so I’m back. The last topic was a little traumatizing for me, as Emma mentioned. Actually, she was surprisingly kind about that. I wonder why…Anyway, on to Lady Gaga.

Suggested music: Dude Looks like a Lady – Aerosmith

Karl_14_rocks asks: Why does Lady Gaga look like a man?

Dean: Poor genetics? A mixture of strong features and a thin face? Or perhaps she actually is a man. Wasn’t she trying to convince people that she was a hermaphrodite for a while there?

amy_jones asks: What’s your least favourite Lady Gaga song? Mine is Telephone.

Emma: Oh man, have you heard Beyoncé’s Video Phone? Clearly Lady Gaga and Beyoncé flipped a coin for who would get Video Phone and who would get Telephone. Beyoncé obviously lost.

johnny_gale writes: Lady Gaga looks like Howard Wolowitz from The Big Bang Theory. Anyway, since you never answer your phone, man, and spend all your time doing this, I figure this is the only way to get a hold of you. What do you think of Emma’s friend Lucy?

Dean: You know, she does kind of look like Howard. Funny. And Lucy’s a nice girl. Little strange, but nice. And smart. Why?

billy_bee asks: Why does everybody else keep copying Lady Gaga?

Emma: Technically, I think Lady Gaga copied other people first. Like Madonna. And possibly Gwen Stefani.

johnny_gale writes: Hmmm…so do you think I should ask out Lucy?

Dean: You know this is a public forum right? I think you already have asked her out.

dean_is_a_hottie asks: What is Lady Gaga’s real name?

Emma: Well, Wikipedia is telling me that it’s Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta. So it’s Stefani Joanne Angelina Germanotta.

johnny_gale writes: Okay, I’m going to do it. Lucy, will you go out with me?

Dean: Okay…this has taken a completely irrelevant turn…

Lucy_Diamond writes: Yes! I will definitely go out with you!

Emma: How precious. You heard it here first, folks. Lucy and Johnny have gotten together.

I’m just going to stop it here, because things have gotten out of hand and none of it has anything to do with Lady Gaga.

Want to ask someone out on a public website? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. The next topic is “That’s what she said”.

Cats

Today we’re talking about cats. Dean hates cats. A lot. So he refused to partake in this one. Seriously. He really, really hates them. It has something to do with a horrible experience he had with his grandma’s eight cats when he was a child. To be fair, she’s a really mean old lady and her cats are not much nicer. So there you go. Anyway, here to help me is my friend Lucy. She’s real special.

Suggested music: What’s New Pussy Cat – Tom Jones

Kitty_kat writes: I LOVE cats!!! They’re so cute and cuddly and soft and furry!! I have two, but I really want another one. My mom won’t let me get one, though. She says that they’re horrible creatures. She’s totally WRONG! Cats are amazing!!!!

Emma: I am inclined to agree with your mother. Although, I did have one cat when I was four that was pretty cool. His name was Daredevil Boots. He actually used to hurl himself from the back of the couch and do flips in the air. Looking back on it, though, I’m not entirely certain he meant to do those flips. I think he just had an inner ear problem that threw his balance off because, more often than not, he would end up landing on his head.

Cats_suck asks: What’s up with those weird people that have like cat lawn ornaments?

Lucy: I once had a neighbour that had cat wind chimes. They were super creepy, because they had cats on them, and really annoying, because they were wind chimes. Hear that, folks? Don’t buy wind chimes. Don’t do it.

Marsha_mallow writes: I really like cats. I have a cat. Her name is Dame Fluffy Whiskerkins-Bottom.

Emma: Good Lord, is that your real name? Also, is that your cat’s real name? Because both are incredibly cruel.

Ella_Luvs_Kittens asks: What’s your favourite kind of cat?

Lucy: Tigers. Of the Siberian variety.

Nina_B writes: If I had a cat, I’d name her Susan. I’m not sure what I would name it if it was a boy. I’m leaning towards Bill.

Emma: If I had a cat, I’d name it Melvin. And if it was a girl, I’d still name it Melvin. I’d consider Melvina, though.

johnny_gale asks: Lucy, do we have biology homework?

Lucy: That has absolutely nothing to do with cats. And yes.

Gnarly_Joe asks: How can you tell if someone’s a crazy cat lady? I think my mom may becoming one.

Emma: There are three simple ways to tell if someone’s a crazy cat lady:
1. Are they a lady? If not, they could likely be a crazy cat man.

2. Are they crazy? If they’re not crazy, then they could still be obsessed with cats, which, frankly, isn’t much better.

3. Do they own a lot of cats and/or cat paraphernalia? If they don’t, then they’re probably just plain crazy.

johnny_gale writes: I know it has nothing to do with cats, but this was just a convenient way for me to ask if we had biology homework. And you told me we did, so clearly it was effective.

Lucy: True. However, in the spirit of catliness, I would like to pose a question to all of our lovely readers. If you happen to own a pet, why do people automatically buy you gifts related to said pet? Say you bought a greyhound. Why do people then feel the need to buy you greyhound calendars, greyhound coffee mugs, and greyhound post-it notes? I mean, I don’t even drink coffee!

I told you she was special.

Got questions that don’t pertain to your twelfth grade biology class? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. The next topic is Lady Gaga.

The A-Team

Emma is back and with a vengeance. She, as predicted, did not have a good time with her aunt Sylvia and her bristly mustache. But that was to be expected. In any case, she is very excited about this topic and even picked the song for this discussion. It’s all very exciting. Let’s do this!

Suggested music: Shoot to Thrill – AC DC

Nina_B asks: Who was the new guy who plays AB in the new movie? And really, who was Mr.T? Was he anything other than AB?

Dean: Well, Nina, the actor was not actually an actor. He was, in fact, a UFC fighter. His name is Quinton Jackson, which, if I say so myself, is a pretty spectacular name. I think I will name my children that. I’ll have twin boys and name one Quinton and the other Jackson. But enough about me. Mr. T is also well-known for his role in the Rocky franchise (Rocky III, to be specific) as boxer Clubber Lang. I first read that as “Chubber Lang”, which seems rude somehow. Also, he does those World of Warcraft commercials for the nighthawk elf warrior mohawk things or whatever. I don’t really know and what’s more, I don’t really care. And finally, it’s B.A. Baracus. Not AB. Close, though. Good effort.

dean_is_a_hottie writes: I’ll have babies Quinton and Jackson with you, Dean!

Emma: I was so excited about doing this topic and you’ve completely ruined it for me. I wanted to answer questions about The A-Team and their amazing amazingness. And instead you give me this. Sigh…

Felicia_Watson asks: Have you seen the new movie? Would you recommend it to someone like me (someone being a person who wasn’t alive when the television show was on and not a teenage boy)?

Dean: I have seen it, actually. Opening night, in fact. I liked it, but then again, I am a teenage boy. Emma went with me and also liked it, but then again, she’s practically a teenage boy (bahaha). However, I wasn’t alive when the old show was on and still enjoyed it. I think you’d like it. Well, I mean, if you like pure action films. Plus, the actors did a good job. Who doesn’t like Liam Neeson? And Quinton Jackson did a surprisingly good job for not being a real actor by profession. He should look into enunciating more, though.

Franklin_M asks: What’s Mr. T’s real name?

Emma: Laurence. I kid you not.
johnny_gale writes: I also saw the movie, also with Dean and Emma. I liked it, but I am confused about Jessica Biel. She’s an alright actress and I have nothing against her, but how did she even get famous? Did it all start when she started dating Justin Timberlake?

Dean: No, no, no. Jessica Biel was sort of famous before then. She was on popular after school drama, 7th Heaven. And when I say popular, I mean a smattering of interested teen Christian followers.

Evan_Grossman asks: I just saw the new movie and I cannot for the life of me remember what Liam Neeson’s character’s name is? Also, was Liam Neeson in Batman Begins?

Emma: Okay, Liam Neeson’s character is Colonel Smith. And he was in Batman Begins. He plays classic villain Ra’s Al Gul. Maybe I spelled that wrong, but I mean really, who cares?

I certainly don’t. And let’s leave it at that.

Mildly interested in something? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. The next topic is cats.

Heidi Montag

So now it’s time to discuss Heidi Montag. Emma is visiting her aunt Sylvia in Perry Sound. The woman has a mustache and glasses as thick as Coke bottles. So, good luck to Emma with all of that. Here to help me answer all of your really important questions on Heidi Montag, is my cousin Mike yet again. This should be good.

Suggested music: Barbie Girl – Aqua

Nina_B writes: With her name you'd think that she's a cute little German girl with lederhosen and a beer stein that holds a litre of Heineken... instead, doesn't she look like a stepford wife?? Anybody else?? I find her limited range of facial motion alarming.

Dean: You know, Nina, I have noticed that she has an alarming lack of facial movement. And wasn’t Nicole Kidman in The Stepford Wives? Because she also has very little facial movement.

Heidi_and_Spencer_4eva writes: I really like Heidi Montag. She only got plastic surgery because people like you do things like this.

Mike: You may have a point. But on the other hand, I really don’t care so I’m going to keep doing this anyway.

LC_beats_Kristen asks: What did Heidi even have done to her body? I mean, besides the gigantic boob job. That one’s pretty obvious.

Dean: Well, let’s see. The Internet is telling me she had ten procedures. They are as follows:
1. Breast augmentation
2. Botox
3. Mini brow lift
4. Nose job revision
5. Chin reduction
6. Liposuction on her waist and thighs
7. Fat injections in her cheeks and lips (that’s disgusting)
8. Ears pinned back (how is that necessary?)
9. Neck liposuction (no, I’m sorry, how is this necessary?)
10. Buttocks augmentation (that’s just funny)

Elli_jelly_belly asks: What is up with her husband? He’s crazy!

Mike: I think he might have anger management problems. On the other hand, she married him, so who is crazier? The crazy one or the crazy one that marries the crazy one? And yes, I just stole that line from Star Wars. Don’t judge me. It’s better than the crap we’re talking about right now.

So, what can we learn from this, folks? Heidi Montag has had surgeries done to her body that I didn’t even know existed? I mean, how do you even find out that you want to have neck liposuction?

Got questions? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. The next topic is going to be the A-Team.

Peanuts

Alright, ladies and gentlemen, ready to talk about peanuts? Are you pumped? Psyched? Excited? Full of intrigue? Well don’t be, it’s just a nut.

Suggested music: Pork and Beans – Weezer

johnny_gale writes: Hmm…what do I have to say about peanuts? Nothing. So I will comment on something Dean said last time. He said, and I quote, “I think we all knew they were a type of fish, Johnny” while we were talking about koi. But before then, he said, and I quote again, “But seriously, what is a koi?”. So which is it, Dean?

Dean: You have too much time on your hands. And anyway, after I asked what a koi was, I said, and I quote, “A type of fish or some sort of amphibian, obviously, but what do they look like?”. So obviously I really did know what a koi was.

mini_mimi writes: I’m allergic to peanuts. I’m also allergic to all tree nuts, shellfish, red food dye, strawberries, goat milk, and penicillin. Oh, and pollen. Sometimes grass.

Emma: I don’t think you were meant to live.

johnny_gale writes: No, I don’t think you did know what a koi was. You said that it might be some sort of fish or an amphibian. So really, you didn’t know.

Dean: You do of course realize that we could just have this conversation in real life and not subject our poor readers to this crap. Also, why do you even care about this?

Dan400 asks: Why are more people allergic to peanuts than walnuts?

Emma: Well, Nina, because the universe is cruel. It’s ironic that people can’t eat peanut butter, but are at perfect liberty to eat walnut butter whenever they want. Most people don’t want to, though, because walnuts are bitter and gross and they don’t get any better in butter form.

Nina_B asks: But why are people more allergic to peanuts than they are to walnuts?

Dean: That is a very good question. I suggest you Google it, because I have no idea and would just make things up. Kind of like Emma just did.

Nelly_bo_belly asks: Are peanuts classified as a seed? Or are they like a fruit?

Emma: They’re classified as nuts. Honestly, it’s right in the name…

johnny_gale writes: I am not done with this conversation, sir. I care about your outrageous lies because you made me look bad. I demand a full, formal apology.

Dean: No.

Tad_is_cool asks: Crunchy peanut butter or smooth?

Emma: Obviously smooth. Why do they even make crunchy peanut butter? Just eat peanuts.

Bootylicious writes: I knew a girl once who thought that they stopped putting the peanut on the top of the peanut butter jar because of peanut allergies.

Dean: Well, that is really stupid. Why would she think that? Also, Emma says she hoped you smacked her after that. I do not condone violence, but if I did, this would be the time to.

kitty_kat asks: Can dogs be allergic to peanuts? Because we give my dog peanut butter all the time. That’s how we get him to eat his pills.

Emma: A dog, really? You seem more like a cat person. And I’m sure animals can be allergic to peanut butter. I once had a dog that was allergic to grass. She led a pretty sad existence.

Got ridiculously long, rambling stories about your pet’s allergies? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. We’re going to be talking about Heidi Montag next time.

Metaphors

Metaphors…whoot…this is going to be terrible. Horrendous, even. So, without further delay, I give you my own personal hell.

Suggested music: Making Out – No Doubt (this one doesn’t really fit in with the topic, but honestly, what song reminds you of metaphors? I am personally never reminded of metaphors, so this was particularly challenging)

redwarrior: Really? This is the stupidest topic yet. You’re beyond lame now.

Dean: I agree, quite frankly. I mean, not about being lame, but this topic is going to be extra challenging. We’ll try to keep it interesting for you. Or, rather, I’ll just try to use a lot of different adjectives so that you can learn other words than just “lame”. Seriously, buy a thesaurus. You can get them at most bookstores.

Nina_B writes: Red Warrior is tube socks. Or toe socks. Whichever is least cool. See what I did there?

Emma: Very good metaphor. I see what you did there.

Nina_B asks: Also, I feel like this topic is the best topic ever. This topic is chocolate cake, Charles David boots, and Sauble Beach. I am so brilliant.

Dean: Ah, more adjectives. Brilliant. Paying attention, redwarrior?

geoffrey_chaucer's_lover writes: In my first year English class my prof kept going on and on about metaphysical conceit, and never even explained it. What's the difference between a metaphysical conceit and a metaphor?? I still don't know!

Emma: Good Lord. I have no idea what you’re talking about. To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t even understand half the words you used right then. Good luck with that.

redwarrior writes: I HATE you. You’re both IDIOTS.

Dean: Now I’m confused by your capitalization again. Are you emphasizing verbs or nouns? You used to capitalize adjectives. What madness is this?!

dean_is_a_hottie writes: I totally get metaphors. Like, for example, dean is a total hottie!

Emma: That is not a metaphor. It’s just dumb. Besides which, you are wrong. So, you fail on both accounts with this one. Better luck next time.

emma_rocks_my_argyle_socks writes: dean_is_a_hottie is like a goldfish. Maybe the one in the koi pond who gets eaten by a squirrel.

Dean: That’s not a metaphor, that’s a simile. And aren’t there koi in koi ponds? Wouldn’t that make more sense? But seriously, what is a koi? A type of fish or some sort of amphibian, obviously, but what do they look like? And do squirrels even eat them? Don’t squirrels just eat nuts or something? They don’t really seem like carnivores.

dean_is_a_hottie writes: Fine. I guess I’ll come up with a better metaphor. Dean is Brad Pitt!

Emma: No, he most certainly is not. Brad Pitt is Brad Pitt and I’m sure he would not appreciate Dean stealing his identity.

johnny_gale writes: I just looked up koi on Google. Apparently they are a fish. And lots of people get tattoos of them. Most of them are really ugly. Who gets a tattoo of a fish?

Dean: I think we all knew they were a type of fish, Johnny.

Share your feelings about koi fish tattoos with us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. Next we’ll be talking about peanuts.

Beyoncé

Alright, so you may have noticed that Nina_B has been writing to us a lot of late. This is wonderful. To reward her commitment to our amazing website, we have asked her to join us as a guest host. So please welcome my new friend Nina (she says hi). This time we are talking about Beyoncé.

Suggested music: Bootylicious – Destiny’s Child

Penny13 asks: What really happened between Jay-Z and Rhianna that sparked the song “Ring the Alarm”, which was really not that popular?

Dean: I’m choosing to ignore the first part of your question and I’m going to respond to the last part instead. “Ring the Alarm” was really not that popular because she seemed to have fired her choreographer and her dancing was frightening.

Nina: Considering Jay-Z’s song “99 Problems”, it would be really foolish of him to be a cheater. On the other hand, Rhianna is 6 feet tall and incredibly terrifying. She could take Jay-Z and Beyoncé if she really wanted to. So essentially, I don’t know.

princess_twinkle_sparkles asks: Do you think Beyoncé eats ice cream?

Emma: If you were incredibly wealthy, wouldn’t you eat all the ice cream you could? As a matter of fact, I think Beyoncé is a huge fan of ice cream. I also think that the rest of Destiny’s Child ate some of her ice cream. She was very upset and that’s why no one can remember their names anymore. Do not mess with Beyoncé.

Nina: I’m lactose intolerant. But Beyoncé did write a song called “Bootylicious”. Enough said.

dean_is_a_hottie asks: Does Dean think Beyoncé is a hottie? Should I be jealous?

Dean: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Moving a little too fast there, my friend. Secondly, yes. She’s very attractive. I am, however, slightly afraid of her. She seems like an angry diva that would squash me if I stood in her spotlight by accident.

Nina: Oh, dean_is_a_hottie, I always enjoy your questions, but let me assure you, Dean looks very squashable. Not even necessarily by Beyoncé.

Danny_V asks: Whatever happened to the rest of Destiny’s Child? What were their names again?

Emma: I’m telling you, they ate some of Beyoncé’s prized ice cream and she ruined their lives. Do not mess with Beyoncé.

Nina: I believe one is called Kelly Rolland. I may be wrong and I only remember her because she has terrible hair. As for the other one, I hope she’s living quietly and comfortably with all the millions of dollars she made with Destiny’s Child and that she will never try to make a come-back.

Queen_Bee writes: Doesn’t Beyoncé have a younger sister or something? Wasn’t she a singer too?

Dean: Not a very good one.

Nina: Just to clarify, I think Dean is saying she wasn’t a very good singer. He couldn’t possibly know that she’s a bad sister.

Michelle_94 writes: I once saw Beyoncé in real life. I was on a family trip to Miami and she was on a yacht with Jay-Z. I didn’t actually meet her in person, but I saw her from the beach. I bet she smells good.

Emma: That was a little weird…and probably not. If you were that rich, you would smell like money. And money smells like unclean metal and dirty paper bills. It’s probably best that you didn’t meet her in person because you would smell by association. Plus, she’d likely have a restraining order out on you now.

Nina: I once saw Beyoncé in real life too. I was at home and she was on TV. Still real life, though.

Got real life questions for us? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. Next time we’re talking about metaphors (Nina picked it and she’s excited. I am not).

Superheroes

Superheroes! That’s right, folks, it’s superhero day here at “Emma and Dean’s Guide to Life”. This is good news. You know what else is good news? Emma has gone on a family trip to the zoo with her parents and wee little Britt. Excellent. That means that someone new is here to fill her place. Don’t get too excited, it’s just my cousin Mike.

Suggested music: The Ultimate Showdown – Lemon Demon

Tiny_Tina writes: I don’t understand what Wonder Woman represents. She’s supposed to be this iconic American symbol of virtue and truth, with high values and a strong sense of womanhood. At the same time, she wears a skimpy little costume, has double D’s, and I’m pretty sure she has a thing with both Superman and Batman. I’m confused by what she’s supposed to be symbolizing. She seems like a huge contradiction.

Dean: Umm…yes. I think her creators were trying to make a superhero that was accessible to North American women with her strong values and feminist attitude. At the same time, I don’t think they wanted to alienate their male readers. Hence the double D’s.

dean_is_a_hottie asks: Who’s Dean’s favourite superhero?

Mike: First of all, Emma is right about Dean. He’s really not that attractive. Speaking as a part of the better looking side of the family, he could do with a little more muscle and a little less eyebrow. Now on to your question. I think Dean’s favourite superhero is likely Superman. Why? Not sure. Superman is kind of lame.

Nina_B writes: First of all, where on the great good earth did you find a picture of those bikini jeans?? Am I just sheltered, naive, or normally dressed? Because I had never even heard of those things, let alone seen them. People wear that???

Secondly, on to superheros. I feel like superheros (and the comic books, graphic novels, and blockbuster movies devoted to them) have played a really big part in elevating what was formerly "nerdy" to "cool" and what was formerly "cool" to suuuuuper lame (ie guys with pink polos and the collars popped. You know what I mean). Anywhoot, this seems pretty super and powerful, no? So superheros ARE REAL!

Dean: Alright, this is a long one. So I saw the bikini jeans in a magazine once. Not surprisingly, they were listed under the category of “super ugly jeans”. If you want to see something truly horrifying, check out the “Backtacular”. And I feel like you are not sheltered nor naïve, but fortunate that you do not know that kind of horror. Well, now you do. Sorry. And apparently people in Japan and Brazil wear those, but I don’t think that’s actually true. I mean really, who would wear those? I certainly wouldn’t.

Onto the next part of your e-mail. I do know what you mean! I hate those guys and their popped collars. They all have Ed Hardy trucker hats too. What’s up with that? Seriously, they all look like John Gosselin. And I agree. Superheroes are quite super and powerful. How astute of you.

super_cute_girl asks: DC or Marvel?

Mike: Ooh…tough question. Okay, while Marvel has probably made more money in the box office in recent years, what with all three Spider-Man movies, the new Iron Man series and all its spin-offs, and X-Men, DC still has Batman. And who doesn’t love Batman? However, I just listed quite a few superheroes that are far cooler than most DC characters. Batman might be freaking awesome, but Superman can be kind of lame and who likes Aquaman? I mean, come on, what can he do out of the water? Not a heck of a lot.

Tony_Stark’s_illegitimate_love_child asks: What’s up with Nick Fury being a white dude and then Samuel L. Jackson?

Dean: What’s up with Katie Holmes being replaced by Maggie Gyllenhaal?

catwoman324 writes: DC is totally better! What are you talking about, man? Besides, Marvel has plenty of lame superheroes. What about The Fantastic Four? What was up with Jessica Alba in those movies? Also, what about Captain America? He’s not very cool.

Mike: I feel like catwoman324 is actually a guy…and Captain America is a national icon. I mean, not for me, because I’m Canadian, but Americans feel very strongly about him. Okay, American nerds feel very strongly about him. And what is with Jessica Alba in any movie? Who saw “Honey”? If you answered “I did” to that last question, I genuinely feel for you. There’s a painful two hours of my life I’ll never get back.


He’s right. “Honey” is a terrible movie. Some people should just never be blonde. Jessica Alba is one of those people. Rosie O’Donnell is another, not that she is blonde. She just shouldn’t be.

Repulsed by the thought of Rosie O’Donnell as a blonde? Share your imaginative pain with us! E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. The next topic is Beyoncé.

Muskrats

The topic right now is muskrats. Why? Ask Emma. Seriously. Write in and ask her. I would really enjoy that because it would be a lot of fun for me to hear what she has to say in response. So please, ask.

Suggested music: The Lion Sleeps Tonight – The Nylons

Mr.Chewy asks: How long are a muskrat’s whiskers?

Dean: I cannot tell a lie, Mr. Chewy, I have no idea how long a muskrat’s whiskers are. Long enough. That’s my answer.

dean_is_a_hottie asks: Why is the topic about muskrats?

Emma: First of all, don’t be such a brownnose. I’m telling you, he’s really not that good-looking. You are sorely mistaken. And to answer your question, it’s because muskrats are excellent. Who doesn’t like muskrats? Honestly.

Nina_B asks: Are muskrats musky? Is that where they got the word “musk” from? And if you called a muskrat musky, would it be offended?

Dean: I’m not sure what muskrats smell like and I don’t know if that’s where they got the word. However, I definitely think a muskrat would be offended if you called it musky, even if that’s what it really smelled like. After all, wouldn’t you be offended?

Blue_belle asks: Are muskrats those little weasely animals that live in the forest?

Emma: No, those are weasels.

cruella_devil asks: Can you make fur coats out of muskrat skins?

Dean: First of all, your name in addition to this question frightens me. Secondly, I don’t see why you’d want to make a coat out of muskrats. I mean, I’m sure it’s possible. You could probably make a fur coat out of hamsters though too.

Blue_belle asks: Okay, if muskrats aren’t those little weasely things, then are they the animals that some really freaky people keep as pets and walk them around on leashes like they’re cats?

Emma: No, those are ferrets. And who walks their cat around on a leash?

Dianna42 asks: Can you keep a muskrat as a pet? Because my older brother has like a collection of weird pets. He has a snake, a couple of hairless moles, and a baby alligator.

Dean: I think you could keep a muskrat as a pet. I’d be a little afraid that the alligator would eat it, though. On the other hand, I guess if it doesn’t eat the hairless moles, maybe it wouldn’t eat the muskrat. Although, hairless animals are kind of creepy looking, so maybe the moles are just unappealing to the alligator. And now I have completely lost sight of what the original question was…I think I answered it.

Blue_belle writes: There’s a lady on my street that walks her cat. It’s really small and has big ears and huge eyes. Like the cat that’s always on those Taco Bell commercials.

Emma: That’s not a cat. That’s a Chihuahua. And Chihuahuas are dogs.

And on that note…

Got ridiculous questions about Mexican dogs? E-mail us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. The next topic is going to be superheroes.