Horrible Gifts

Alright, horrible gifts. You know the ones. Like when your great uncle buys you a can of haggis (they actually make that).

Suggested music: Misery – Maroon Five

dean_is_a_hottie asks: What’s the worst gift Dean has ever gotten?

Dean: Well, one time, my great uncle Howard bought me a can of haggis. I mean, technically it’s the thought that counts and he was senile, but still, what do I want with a can of haggis? It’s non-perishable, actually. I still have it. Anyone want it?

Emma_rocks_my_argyle_socks asks: What’s the worst present Emma has ever gotten?

Emma: Once, I got a cat sweater from my grandma. It had a tail. And it was pink with a frilly collar and sleeves. I burned it later. I’d feel bad if the sweater hadn’t been so incredibly ugly.

Nina_B writes: Let us never forget (or try really hard to?) my friend Stacey who got a vase from her boyfriend for Christmas. It looked like it had innocuously been placed on the set of Inglorious Basterds... it looked quite unfortunately like somebody had been machine gunned down in front of it. That my friends is horrible. She put lollipops in it.

Dean: Mmmm…lollipops…too bad about the vase, though.

Kitty_Bean asks: Have you ever been given hand-knitted, over-sized mittens for a present? My grandma always makes me some for Hanukah, but I never wear them because you could fit four hands in one.

Emma: She must think you have really large hands. Do you? And also, I have been given quite large mittens before. But my friend made them for me. My grandma can’t knit. She just buys really ugly sweaters.

Alvin_Mo asks: Why do people always buy me Chapters gift cards?

Dean: I’m not sure, Alvin. I don’t really know you all that well. Actually, I don’t really know you at all.

bulldog460 asks: What makes a horrible gift so horrible?

Emma: There are a lot of ways to tell if the gift you’ve been given in terrible.

1. Is it covered in cats?

2. Has it been hand-made? I know that some people think that makes the gift more thoughtful and meaningful, but they’re wrong. And likely very cheap. And that is why they made you the macaroni bracelet-necklace set in the first place. Heads up, you’re getting the earrings for Christmas.

3. Do you want/like it? If you don’t, chances are, it’s not a good present.

4. Is it itchy? That’s never good.

All good points.

Got questions? E-mail at us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. The next topic is cauliflower.

That's What She Said

You may have noticed that Emma and I have been on a bit of a hiatus. Why is that, you ask? Well, I really couldn’t tell you, but it involves people dressed up at loveable Disney characters and lots of roller coasters. It also involves Emma’s incredibly wealthy uncle. Anyway, on to the long awaited topic of “that’s what she said”.

Suggested music: Sex Bomb – Tom Jones

McLovin writes: Friendship is like a wave. You have your up and downs, and sometimes you get wet.

Dean: I really had no idea where you were going with that. But funny and kind of related to the topic, I guess. I think I’m going to make it my new motto.

Laura_Rocks writes: One time, my friend needed help rolling up her sleeping bag because she had injured her knee. I asked why her knee injury had anything to do with packing up her sleeping bag, and she said “I need your help because I can’t go on my knees”.

Emma: That is what she said.

Nina_B asks: What came first, "That's What She Said" or The Office? And did they make those jokes on the British one?

Dean: I don’t think they had it on the British one. I think it’s just a Michael Scott thing, although I honestly have never seen the British version. And I’m not sure which came first. Maybe it’s like the whole chicken and the egg thing (it’s probably not, but that’s may answer anyway).

Karl_R writes: I overheard my older sister talking to her friend on the phone once and she was complaining about this new lipstick or something. She was all, “how am I supposed to use this? It’s too hard.”

Emma: That’s what she said.

Gnarly_Joe writes: What what in the butt.

Dean: That’s not really what she said…

Princess_Possum_Pants asks: Who is “she”? And why is she so inappropriate?

Emma: She’s just a generic girl. And I would argue that she’s not exactly inappropriate. Just adventurous. And a little loose, as my grandma would say. And no, my grandmother is not a nice lady.

dean_is_a_hottie asks: Why aren’t there any “that’s what he said” jokes?

Dean: I think there are. You know, if you try to make a “that’s what she said” joke, but it isn’t gender appropriate, you can just make it into a “that’s what he said” joke. It doesn’t discriminate!

Riley_is_on_a_boat asks: How many antelopes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?

Emma: Not enough.

Alright, that was weird…

Want to ask ridiculous and irrelevant questions about African animals? E-mail us at deanandemmaplsucrew@gmail.com. The next topic is horrible gifts.