Metaphors

Metaphors…whoot…this is going to be terrible. Horrendous, even. So, without further delay, I give you my own personal hell.

Suggested music: Making Out – No Doubt (this one doesn’t really fit in with the topic, but honestly, what song reminds you of metaphors? I am personally never reminded of metaphors, so this was particularly challenging)

redwarrior: Really? This is the stupidest topic yet. You’re beyond lame now.

Dean: I agree, quite frankly. I mean, not about being lame, but this topic is going to be extra challenging. We’ll try to keep it interesting for you. Or, rather, I’ll just try to use a lot of different adjectives so that you can learn other words than just “lame”. Seriously, buy a thesaurus. You can get them at most bookstores.

Nina_B writes: Red Warrior is tube socks. Or toe socks. Whichever is least cool. See what I did there?

Emma: Very good metaphor. I see what you did there.

Nina_B asks: Also, I feel like this topic is the best topic ever. This topic is chocolate cake, Charles David boots, and Sauble Beach. I am so brilliant.

Dean: Ah, more adjectives. Brilliant. Paying attention, redwarrior?

geoffrey_chaucer's_lover writes: In my first year English class my prof kept going on and on about metaphysical conceit, and never even explained it. What's the difference between a metaphysical conceit and a metaphor?? I still don't know!

Emma: Good Lord. I have no idea what you’re talking about. To be perfectly honest with you, I don’t even understand half the words you used right then. Good luck with that.

redwarrior writes: I HATE you. You’re both IDIOTS.

Dean: Now I’m confused by your capitalization again. Are you emphasizing verbs or nouns? You used to capitalize adjectives. What madness is this?!

dean_is_a_hottie writes: I totally get metaphors. Like, for example, dean is a total hottie!

Emma: That is not a metaphor. It’s just dumb. Besides which, you are wrong. So, you fail on both accounts with this one. Better luck next time.

emma_rocks_my_argyle_socks writes: dean_is_a_hottie is like a goldfish. Maybe the one in the koi pond who gets eaten by a squirrel.

Dean: That’s not a metaphor, that’s a simile. And aren’t there koi in koi ponds? Wouldn’t that make more sense? But seriously, what is a koi? A type of fish or some sort of amphibian, obviously, but what do they look like? And do squirrels even eat them? Don’t squirrels just eat nuts or something? They don’t really seem like carnivores.

dean_is_a_hottie writes: Fine. I guess I’ll come up with a better metaphor. Dean is Brad Pitt!

Emma: No, he most certainly is not. Brad Pitt is Brad Pitt and I’m sure he would not appreciate Dean stealing his identity.

johnny_gale writes: I just looked up koi on Google. Apparently they are a fish. And lots of people get tattoos of them. Most of them are really ugly. Who gets a tattoo of a fish?

Dean: I think we all knew they were a type of fish, Johnny.

Share your feelings about koi fish tattoos with us at deanandemmapluscrew@gmail.com. Next we’ll be talking about peanuts.